If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just pee around me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
