I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
