there's paper in my vomit.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
