Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
