yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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