my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
