If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
