I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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