One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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