so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
BRING THE BAGELS
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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