Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
