the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
