I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
