In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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