So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize