it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
