I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
