? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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