That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
