Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.