two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.