I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need to sanitize my soul.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
