I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?