Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
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She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
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EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.