Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just had sex on a roof
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
