Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
