Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
