K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
