he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize