could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
