If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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