Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
