I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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