Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
