I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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