If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
