he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
