She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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