I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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