You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
