I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
