apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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