Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
