i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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