She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish I only lived at night.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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