The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
