he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
time to smoke my breakfast
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
