I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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