I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
