Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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