You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just had sex on a roof
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
