Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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