doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
