I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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