Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
