What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
