you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
