Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
