Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
