I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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