I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
