So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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