So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
