I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
