Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
this just has baby written all over it
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
