I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
where does the pee come out of this thing
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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