well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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