I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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