it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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