She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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