Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
