i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize