I cannot find my penis.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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