at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
