i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
