i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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