Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
