is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
