he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
