found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
