Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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