OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
