it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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